On Wednesday, March 1st, 2006, in Annapolis at a hearing on the proposed
Constitutional Amendment to prohibit gay marriage, Jamie Raskin, professor of
law at American University, was requested to testify. At the end of his
testimony, Republican Senator Nancy Jacobs said: 'Mr. Raskin, my Bible says
marriage is only between a  man and a woman. What do you have to say about
that? Raskin replied: 'Senator, when you took your oath of office, you placed
your hand on the Bible and swore to uphold the Constitution.
 You did not place your hand on the Constitution and swear to uphold the
Bible.'  The room erupted into applause.
-- Jamie Raskin

"Fundamental Christianity:  the idea that there is an all-knowing,
 all-seeing, all-powerful, universe-spanning entity that for some
 inexplicable reason is deeply interested in my sex life."
-- DM

 Other than telling us how to live, think, marry, pray, vote, invest, educate our children 
and, now, die, I think the Republicans have done a fine job of getting government out of 
 our personal lives."
  -- From the Sunday Portland Oregonian 6/2005: 

"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do
  because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." 
	-- Susan B Anthony,reformer and suffragist (1820-1906) 

The significant problems we face cannot be solved by the same level of
thinking that created them
  --Albert Einstein

I'll admit i'm bad, only if You disipline me!
        Alan Shore - Atty Boston Legal

I'm not so much attracted to younger women, 
It's more the idea that they could be attracted to me.
	-- Alan Shore - Boston Legal
 

"Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got"
	-- Sophia Loren.

"Men have trouble explaining their feelings and women have trouble explaining their reasons."
	-- Anon

"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
	-- Groucho Marx

 Curse the dark, or light a match. You decide, it's your dark.
	-- Owen from Nanog - 7/2005

Sheep are slow and tasty, and therefore must remain constantly alert."
	-- Bruce Schneier, "Beyond Fear"

"Oppression can only survive through silence." 
	-- Carmen de Monteflores

  Celebrate Freedom? 
Today's evangelicals and fundamentalists dream the same dream as the fanatics who 
landed on Plymouth Rock four centuries ago: freedom to persecute anyone who deviates 
from their religious beliefs, freedom to establish a theocracy.
 -- Anon


        Just because 90% of the people in the world are stupid, does that 
mean that we all have to be stupid as well?  If nine out of ten 
people jumped off a bridge, should the other guy be forced to do the 
same?  -- Brad K of Nanog 7/2005

	Predident Bush said that the job of the Supreme Court is extremely important, 
becouse as you know these are the people who choose the president of the United States!
	-- Jay Leno 7/2005

 Got Jesus?
 Well give him back to the republicans.. They sure seem to need to be reminded 
 of a whole lot of things... Especially that he was not and would never be republican!
	-- NMH 7/2005

Jesus Saves....Passes to God....Shoots!!!.....Scores!!!!.....

Jesus Saves Sinners..... - and redeems them for valuable cash and prizes

Jesus is Coming - Look Busy

I Found Jesus!  -  He's In The Trunk

Friends Don't Let Friends Vote Republican

Vote Rebuplican...It's Easier Than Thinking

The Road To Hell Is Paved With Republicans

If Your Not The Lead Dog...The Scenery Never Changes

Visualize Whirled Peas

Save The Whales!............Collect The Whole Set!

Nuke Gay Whales For Jesus

Mean People Suck

 Doing My Part To Piss Off The Relgious Right 

My Goodess Gave Birth To Your God

Question Assumptions

 FREE Nelson Mandela.....With Every Purchase


 If, for a joke, I light a match in a crowded theater and shout, "FIRE!!", is that like shouting:
"LIBERAL!!" on the Rush Limbaugh Show? 
"REPUBLICAN!!" in a welfare office? 
"MY NAME IS FOREST GUMP!! at a MENSA meeting? 

 Please Don't Feed or Tease the Straight People, they have enough hangups

 A Woman Needs a Man Like a Fish Needs a Bicycle

 What Do You Call A Lesbian Eskimo?............A Klondyke! 

 Sex Education *IS* Birth Control

 My Goddess Gave Birth To Your God

 Keep Your Laws Off My Body!

 I'd Rather Have an Orgasm...stop the OCA!

 Nice Girls Need it Too...

 Dip Me In Honey and Throw Me To The Lesbians 

 Let Go Of My Ears.......I Know What I'm Doing! 

 Don't Hate.....Masturbate! 

 I'd Walk A Million Miles For One Of Your Smiles, But I'd Walk Even Further For That Great Thing You Do With Your Tougue 

 I tried an internal modem once, but it hurt when I walked 

 We Are Microsoft!....Resistance Is Futile.....You Will Be Assimilated!


 SHERIFF: I'm going to cut his heart out with a SPOON!
 GUY OF GISBOURNE:: Why a spoon, cousin? Why not...an ax -
 SHERIFF: Because it's DULL, you twit, it'll hurt more! {Robin Hood}


 BOB: Are they going to shoot at us?
 NICK: Probably, Bob. That's what they brought the guns for. {Real Men}

 Dames are put on this earth to weaken us, drain our energy, laugh at us when they see us naked. {Johnny Dangerously}

 I have failed as much as I have succeeded. But I love my life. I love my wife. And I wish you my kind of success. {Jerry Maquire}

 I Don't Suffer From Insanity....I enjoy Every Minute Of It! 

TECH SUPPORT  --- "I asked a user if he was running his program under Windows. 
 He said "No.  My desk is by the door -- but you know, you make a good point.  Tony sits under a  window and his program is working fine."

TECH SUPPORT -- What If People Bought Cars Like They Bought Computers!  

HOLD THE PRESSES ---
According to news reports, Philip Morris has recalled billions of cigarettes because they 
 are concerned that there is something unhealthy in them. 
	(Insert your own joke here) 

If I Were In An F-16,  I'd Be Home By Now 

 Just When You Thought Life's a Bitch, It Has Puppies 

 To Continue, Strike Keyboard With Forehead ....! 

I Might Be Fat But Your Ugly And I Can Lose Weight!

 Yesterday I Couln't Even Spell Redneck...Now I Are One

 When you Leave The Dump With More Than You Brung.... Your A Redneck

 When Your Family Tree Don't Fork.... Your A Redneck

 When Your Family Tree Is A Wreath...Your A Redneck

 My Karma Ran Over Your Dogma

 To know me is to love me -- Unless your an asshole!

 If Vegetarians Eat Vegetables....Then Beware Of Humanitarians!!

 Free The Bound Periodicals! 

======== Monti Python =======================================================

 Or I shall Say Nie to you!

Go Away Or I Shall Taunt You A Second Time! 

 Your Mother Was Hamster And Your Your Father Smells Of Elederberries 

...And After The Spankings....The Oral Sex 

He's Not Dead...He's Just Resting! 

I Fart In Your General Direction, You English Dog! 

It's Just A Flesh Wound! 

She Turned Me Into Newt......Um.....But I Got Better... 

"St. Attilla raised his hand grenade up high saying, 'Oh Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, 
 so that with it thou mayst blow thy enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy'." 

 "You'll find it in the castle of aaarrrrrrrggghhhhhhhhhh"
	"what's that?"  --- "that's what it says!"
	"well what's that supposed to mean?"  ---   "well maybe he was dying."
	"if you were dying you wouldn't bother carving aaaggghh" <
	"maybe he was dictating!" 

What floats on water?  um, very small rocks!  bridges!....  gravy!..... a duck!....
and if she weighs as much as a duck?  she's made outta wood! 

And Now For Something Completely Different! 

======================================================================================

Pain is so close to Pleasure
	-- Queen

 Quick to judge... Quick to anger... Slow to understand... Ignorance and prejudice... And fear walk hand in hand... 
    -- Rush -- Witch Hunt 

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." 
    -- Vice President Dan Quayle 

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." 
	 -- Vice President Dan Quayle

"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history." 
	-- Vice President Dan Quayle 

What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. 
	-- Vice President Dan Quayle 

 Remember the old saying, explorers get the arrows, settlers get the land.

Take your computer and bash it over your head.....That's IRC

The Net is good.  It is also goo.                  - Playboy, June 1994

 Anybody can do any amount of work,  providing it is not what they are supposed to be doing
  at the moment 
	... Robert Benchley

Whenever you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.	 -- Data, Star Trek

 Everything I know I learned from my cat: 
	When you're hungry, eat. 
	When you're tired, nap in a sunbeam. 
	When you have to go to the vet's, pee on your owner. 


	ohhhh..give me a home....where the geeks do not roam...
	and we actually can get places on time... 
	Where computers are off and hard drives don't fail 
	and I actually have a good time 
		--- A song by my Ex Girlfriend


 Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring..

 My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely..

 The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes..
	-- Not sure, but I bet Steve Martin

 The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight 
 because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends..

 Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness..

 I gave up jogging for my health... when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire..

 Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!

 Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know, sometimes I just forget to eat."
 Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat.
 You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat..

 They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies.... Mine isn't all that communicative but
  I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous
  toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "Listen witch... do it and die."

 The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing
  and then they marry him...

 If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties?
  How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?

 When God made man She was only joking.

 "Save the Mice, Eat Pussy"

 Back Up My Hard Drive? I Can't Find The Reverse Switch!

 I don't speak for anybody but myself - that's enough trouble.

 Hackers do it with fewer instructions. 

 "You build it, and I will mail to it"
	-- Spammers guild

 Education..Who Can Afford It?  Cartainly Not The Uneducated! 
	 -- Me!

 The individual choice of garnishment of a burger can be an important point to the consumer in this day
 when individualism is an increasingly important thing to people.  
	-- Donald N. Smith, president of Burger King

 Someones reply header.... 
 Stoned koala bears drooled eucalyptus spit in awe as The Sender exclaimed:

 We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are. 
	--Anas Nin

 "I sense much NT in you.  NT leads to Blue Screen. 
   Blue Screen leads to downtime.  Downtime leads to suffering. 
   NT is the path to the darkside."  
	-- Unknown UNIX Jedi 

 Zathras used to being beast of burden. Zathras have sad life, probably have sad death,
 but at least there is symmetry 
	-- Zathras Babylon 5

 I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

 Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. -- Oscar Wilde

 The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
 The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
 The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
 The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

 I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. 
	-- A. Whitney Brown

 A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. 
	-- William James

 The Lord's Prayer is 66 words, the Gettysburg Address is 286 words, there
are 1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence, but government
regulations on the sale of cabbage total 26,911 words.
-- From an article on the growth of federal regulations

In the Oct. 24th issue of National Review: Half of the people in the world
are below average.

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets? 
	-- Dick Cavett, mocking the TV-violence debate

 If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's
life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if
there are men on base. -- Dave Barry

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

 Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham
  Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
   1. Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
   2. Advising the President.
   3. Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
	-- David Letterman

 Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn't eaten in a while.
	-- Charles Barkley, after blatantly elbowing an Angolan basketball opponent in the Olympics

 I think that the team that wins game five will win the series. Unless we lose game five. 
	-- Charles Barkley

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. 
	-- Mark Twain

Did George Bush Read this?
  "Of course the people don't want war. But after all, it's the leaders of the country who determine the policy,
 and it's always a simple matter to drag the people along whether it's a democracy, a fascist dictatorship,
 or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the
 bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce 
 the pacifists for lack of patriotism, and exposing the country to greater danger."
	-- Herman Goering at the Nuremberg trials

 The Ohio recount_2004 is being overseen by the state's two Republican Senators,
 Mike DeWine and George Voinovich, who issued a joint statement last night, saying: 
 "Sen. Kerry should concede defeat and spare the country the turmoil of another drawn-out
 election." (Well - at least they're not actually related to George Bush). And what exactly
 does a recount involve?  Asking the computer if it got it right...?
    -- London News Review

 The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad. 
	-- Salvador Dali

 The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.
	 -- William Clayton

 When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important
 lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.
	-- From "Basic Sex Facts For Today's Youngfolk" in ``Life In Hell'' by Matt Groening

 "Time's fun when you're having flies." -- Kermit the Frog

 "As a mother, I know that homosexuals cannot biologically reproduce
 children; therefore, they must recruit our children."
 ~Anita Bryant, 1977 - Leader of the clueless of their time

 The problem with America is stupidity. 
 I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, 
 but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything 
 and let the problem solve itself?


 "Socially, we're engaged in a race to the bottom," 
 "Do we want to allow competition based on exploitation of the work force?" 
 (Like Walmart and some other companies Do)
      -- Craig Cole, the chief executive of Brown & Cole Stores

 "If you want to go backwards, you put it in 'R,' and if you want to go forward, you put it in 'D'"
       -- Sen. Tom Harkin (D-IA)

 Sadly too many people can't take the truth, so instead they opt for the most appealing liar
        -- Bill Maher

 I hate to see a woman cry, but I love to hear them scream.
        --Dennis the Menace

 It is often observed that enemies come to resemble each other. 
 We torture the torturers, we call our God better than theirs 
 - as one American general put it, in words that the president has not repudiated.
       -- Gary Wills


 Man dies - his body is dust - but writing shall make him remembered
 Alive in the mouths of any who reads
     -- Egyptian Papyrus 1300 BC


 "The price of liberty is eternal vigilance." or vice versa.
	-- Wendell Phillips
 
 "Conviction is worthless unless it is converted into conduct."
	-- Thomas Carlyle

 "Defending *palatable* speech is unremarkable."
   -- Jay R. Ashworth

 Tragically, flattery is like sex... If we don't get any from others,
 we wind up giving it to ourselves
	--Me

 The Large Print Giveth And The Small Print Taketh Away
	-- Anon

 Support Your Local Chinese Communist Country
  Shop At Walmart
	-- Me

 Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
	--Isaac Asimov

 On Fairness...
  "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
	-- Anon - BBC Newsnight


  "Evil does seek to maintain power by suppressing the truth."
  "Or by misleading the innocent."
	  --- Spock and McCoy, "And The Children Shall Lead", stardate 5029.5.


 Support Our Troops! - Vote Democratic!
	-- ME!


  I [WILL NOT] Pledge Allegiance To the Flag, Of the Divided States of America. 
 And to the Republicans, For which it stands, Two nations, Under THEIR definition of God, 
 With Liberty, and Justice for ONLY those who agree with Bush!
	-- Anon


  He Will Not Protect You
THIS IS NOT A TEST
  DOWN IS NOT UP
   DAY IS NOT NIGHT
    SITCOMS ARE NOT EQUALITY
     COCKTAILS ARE NOT A CURE
      MARRIAGE IS NOT FREEDOM
       LIFESTYLES ARE NOT LIVES
        FIGHTING IN THE MILITARY IS NOT A CIVIL RIGHT
         WALMART IS NOT A LIVING WAGE
          CNN IS NOT JOURNALISM
           LOGGING PUBLIC FORESTS IS NOT ECOLOGY
            EMERGENCY ROOM CARE IS NOT HEALTH CARE
             INVESTMENT ACCOUNTS ARE NOT SOCIAL SECURITY
              SAVINGS ACCOUNTS ARE NOT PENSIONS
               DEFENSE CONTRACTORS ARE NOT DEFENSE
                MERCURY CLOUDS ARE NOT CLEAR SKIES
                 PHOTO OPS ARE NOT TOWN HALL MEETINGS
                  FREE MARKETS ARE NOT DEMOCRACIES
                   FEAR AND DISTRUST IS NOT GOVERNANCE
     U.S. FUNDAMENTALISM IS NOT BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE'S FUNDAMENTALISM!
	-- Anon

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